Friday, March 30, 2012

Self and independence

When I look around and peer into my current and past friend's interpersonal relationships I see two things. One they may be solo, two, being solo appears to be the best thing for their self right now. We all go through the up's and down's of relationships. Sometimes we experience healthy relationships, other's are not so healthy for self. This helper believes that everything happens for a reason. But, that reason will start with self. Trying to ascertain why relationships work, or why they do not is not the purpose of this discourse. The premise is to understand that self, can function alone, and still be independent. I hear often from friends who are single now, that being alone was the best independence that their self needed at this time in their life. This writer has witnessed that some of my friends become stronger in their own skin and latch on to their own higher power. Self begins to go into what I like to call,  "survival mode" Now, the term survival may seem a little drastic, but it seems to challenge that person in a positive way. This survival mode will not always show positive emotions, we are human. But, self is forced to focus on regaining independence for self, without the assistance of the other person in that past relationship. Financial concerns are present. Housing concerns may be another challenge. Finding a new job or old job that you once had. Going solo will create a brand new world for some. Brand new is the key. You will be amazed how strong you are. Take this opportunity and reward self with your independence. It may be a struggle at times, but it's a healthy struggle. Find your balance, utilize the energy that only you have. Embrace self with positive thinking and self autonomy. Find a new routine that will allow you to have fun! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

A substitute satisfaction for an unmet need

What is a substitute satisfaction for an unmet need? People search for this unmet need their whole life. The problem is that people do find their substitute satisfaction in gambling, alcohol, drugs, purging, and unhealthy sexual behavior which is substituted for selfs' unmet needs. This is commonly known as the spiral for addiction. Addiction is an unmet need. We substitute addiction hoping to replace our unmet needs. Does it work? Do we feel like we have control of our lives? We all have needs. The issue is we need to meet our needs in a healthy way, instead of avoiding, isolation, and being insidious. If self can identify unmet needs before the addiction spiral starts, self can begin to substitute healthy met needs. For example, if one is depressed and is searching for a way out of depression, the unmet need could be gambling or binge drinking, even using drugs to cope with this unmet need. The reality is if self, can identify with the reason they are depressed and start to understand that behavior, that potential unmet need can become a need that does not turn into addiction. Self is able to recognize the early warning signs of that unmet need. When self substitutes addiction behavior with the unmet need, self becomes addicted. Self will begin to learn  how to turn unmet needs to healthy met needs in a positive approach. Self is able to control their thoughts, urges and cravings by identifying first, the unmet need before it goes to the addiction spiral. Self can control their thoughts and recognize when thoughts of addiction behavior are becoming an unmet need. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Perfect, really?

Over the years I have heard respectfully from clients, " I want to be perfect". The first and only reply from this writer, " You may want to find another helper, I'm far from it". I make mistakes every day. Wanting to be perfect is a trap, friends. All of your energy is misused with this thought. Sometimes this fantasy goal of perfection becomes obsession, which can lead you right back to your addiction. Trying to be perfect is self's own distortion of not wanting to work on your current self, right now. Is there such a thing as a perfect answer, feeling, or behavior? I'm not sure there is. I know I feel good about self when I can handle struggle in a healthy way. But it's never perfect. I know mental health professionals that may wish they responded differently to a client, but never the perfect response. You see the thought of being perfect does not reward self with happiness. Think about being ok, yes ok. Now that to me is good, safe, and working on self. Sure there are some things in life you will do perfectly. For example, you score 100/100 on your re-certification licenses for being helper. Or you save three penalty shots in one game out of three in a soccer match. Maybe, in another soccer match you go to over time, and have a shoot out, and the first five shots you save them all? Done it, did it. There is the argument that you can have unique, perfect experiences, but most of what we all do is not perfect, and that is ok! The next time you want to aspire to be perfect, let that thought go, and be you. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Bake away

You ever get that feeling of being overwhelmed and under appreciated? You become down on your self. Everything at that moment seems to be negative. What can self do? Bake. Bake your negativity away with a fresh aroma that fills your kitchen. Be careful, I feel a smile coming your way! Start making the ingredients. The thoughts of anxiousness and despair, become only thoughts. Self begins to let them go. Appreciate what you soon will be creating and tasting! Turn on the music. Turn off that tv. Get in the groove. I can see you now, rocking to the blender, swing those hips. Feel the energy, have fun with your baking. You may even want to share your product with the grumpy neighbor or bring cheer to friend, maybe even a stranger. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Binge eating

We hear the word binge, and it's on, right? Stress seems to work hand in hand with the ability to eat. We fill the body with food, and think the problems will go away. In reality, we may even eat more to avoid the problem. Binge eating does not always mean we only eat when we are stressed. Self may have a positive day, and reward the positive feeling with eating, and continue to eat. Certain foods appear to have emotions tied to our favorite snack, or meal. Nutrition is important for self and body. Once a week make it a goal to have three healthy meals and three healthy snacks for that day. Repeat this process for a whole month. Self will begin to look forward to the day you choose to eat healthy. Cravings or urges start when you miss meals. Skipping meals and snacks are a clear path for self to binge on unhealthy food when ready to eat. How does self control the urge, not to over eat? First, we have to eat our meals daily, and not skip. Then we need to snack at the appropriate times.  For some of us, being bored can be a reason to eat, and eat. Get self active, and begin to make healthy routines for your day. Exercise before or after you eat when you can. Next, start thinking of what you will eat. Make a list and stick to your plan. Control your thoughts. Think it through. Be creative in what you want to eat and try new foods. Reward self with positive eating by adhering to your goal. Sleeping is another important factor for self to control eating habits. If you can't sleep, eating is not a option at that time of the night or morning. The body needs energy, and sleep. Self understands that three cookies will taste great, but one cookie will do the job. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Thursday, March 22, 2012


Change was a ambiguous term for myself for so many years. I never really understood what it meant. I got wrapped up in my own narcissism that my routine became unmodifiable, no matter how destructive it may have been. Change was scary, and I was not sure I had the courage or will power to try. That was the key word that I associated with change- try! When I accepted that I was going to try, and have no expectations, I began to heal. Change is something that will make you stronger, and wiser. Sometimes changing the way we view things in our past can be a healthy reminder of where we are today, not tomorrow, but this second. For some of you change may be something that you are forced to go through right now. It could be a new job, a loss of a job. It could be an unplanned ending to a relationship, or starting a new relationship. Letting go of old destructive addictive behaviors, and learning how to control those same behaviors. Change mirrors many factors of self and self's experiences. Change is staying in your health. Learning to control your thoughts, and not make things bigger. Change can be a risk, but the reward is knowing you have the power to try! There is one unique factor that change is able to bring you no matter what your current situation. Change can happen at any age! Use your higher power to change. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Drug tests for families on assistance?

Respectfully, this one may be controversial. Working with low economic families over the years I have witnessed first hand how important assistance of any kind can help. With that said, I understand how some families struggle with substance and alcohol abuse or dependence. The argument appears from some members of the general public, may even be you or people you know, that society is enabling low economic families to continue their drug and alochol use. Should families on assistance be subjected to monthly drug and alcohol tests? Let us take this one step further, If I may. Who will pay for each test? What will happen if the guardian, parent, does test positive? Will their funds be revoked, and if that person has a family, how will he or she support their dependents? These questions present financial implications for the county and state where assistance is given. Will society be paying more out of their pocket to fund these important questions? This writer is a helper first, and will not judge, only try to help. However, I'm not a proponent of precious, and scarce funds that are supporting addiction. This does not mean I'm in favor of drug tests and alcohol tests for each assistance applicant, but, I do believe we need to screen each applicant for chemical and alochol abuse. How do we do this in a cost effective manner for the state we live in? Education, addiction education, and support. We already have these programs in place in most of our state budgets, but they are only implemented if the person meets the criteria for drug and alochol addiction. Wonder if we could prevent the addiction spiral at it's early stages through addiction education? Here is a idea. Each new applicant applying for assistance would be required to use a percentage of their assistance to complete a education class that focuses on addiction. If the person completes the class, and does not meet the early stages of addiction, he or she is given the percentage of assistance back into their EBT card, or individual account. If the person meets the criteria for possible addiction he or she would be given treatment options. Respectfully, I understand their are many unanswered questions with the following discourse on this controversial topic. But, there appear to be answers that can help the low economic family, and society at the same time. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The V word

There are certain words in self's vocabulary that seem to resinate more then others. Often these words seem to carry mental pictures in our minds. Words appear to keep our thoughts fresh, and real. One word in particulary allows self to feel something. Being able to feel can be just what the doctor ordered. We feel alive, but sad. When a particualar friend, or foe, uses this word's content it challenges us in a number of ways. Sometimes we struggle with their word's or do not want to accept the meaning, other times we embrace their words and feel loved. Validation is this word. We all need to be validated in some way or another. Validation has many hats. Each time self gets validation, self decides how to use it and accept it. A compliment, a song, a smile, or a frown. Validation of other's can be useful skill for self to acquire. Learning how to validate self is the reward. Learning how to accept valdiation is difficult at times. Try this new skill at home. Be creative in how you validate your self and accept validation. Some of you do this every day without knowing, facebook. Posting to your friends and new friends with words of encouragement is a form of validation. Journaling is another positive form of validation, giving your self credit for something you did in the day, or not doing in the day! Exercising is a wonderful tool for validating self. Be proud of your self. Enjoy the many outcomes of positive validation. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Breaking down culture barriers

Do you ever feel that you would like to learn more about another culture and how they work on self? Sometimes we think that we need to go on a trip to another country to experience this culture. A simpler way would be to look around your surroundings, work place, neighborhood, church, or area sporting event. Culture is all around us, we need to take off our blinders and barriers. We can learn so much from each other if we allow self to absorb each other's culture. Barriers are made to be broken. Look around you right now? What do you see? People of all colors. Each color we can learn from, and teach our children new cultures. Do you have friends from different cultures? Make it a goal to introduce self to another self from a different culture. Take part in each other's traditions and ceremonies. This can be a life changing experience for you and your family! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Open the flood gates

Men, we are tough, right? If we show our emotions we are labeled as weak. Where do these stereotypes come from? Tears are suppose to be that word that can come only from the female gender, right? Truth be told, I am a man, and I cry! It feels good, I feel stronger, I like to be in control of my emotions and let them out. In fact, I may open  the flood gates weekly if needed. Sometimes my work can be a river of tears. These tears may be from joy, or sorrow, but their tears. Men are so focused on being the ultimate warrior for their families, relationships, and friends that they forget about self. Self needs to be trained to let emotions out in a healthy manner. Don't be afraid to shed a tear every now and then! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Exercise Releases the Urge to Purge‏

Helping young females learn how to implement a “Healthy Routine” can validate healthy eating. I have found that clients with eating disorders can benefit from an exercise-based model that teaches the following: accept the body on self’s own terms, learn to reward self with healthy eating after a workout and develop a routine that benefits self throughout the day. The routine begins each day when self is able to understand the basis of the Health Realization Model. Clients with an eating disorder will learn how to identify their thoughts of purging, gain control over those thoughts and slowly be able to let go by replacing them with a healthy alternative. Self is able to slow these thoughts through exercise. First, exercise can produce increased oxygen flow and endorphin release, elevating the client's mood. Food can then become a functional tool to reward self after the workout. This process allows self to appreciate the physical work needed for the body to feel good. The mind will then feel better when this connection is made. Self becomes focused on the workout. Self is learning how to identify and accept self’s image in a healthy way.
Yoga is an excellent tool used by many of my clients with eating disorders. After the yoga workout, food is needed to fuel the body. Again, the meal is a reward for the body and is needed to sustain the next workout. Self starts to recognize the importance of working out while eating healthy. Racing thoughts of purging begin to diminish when self is working its routine. Exercise helps clients to discard negative thoughts and negative energy that they sometimes hold on to in their minds. After the meal, the client will begin to control their thoughts, realizing the meal's value in fueling the body. The client will continue with their routine throughout the day. I have found that some of my client’s use exercise multiple times daily. I want the client to embrace their ability to finish their meal and eliminate the purging thoughts and behavior, elevating their self-esteem. The client learns self-control while staying in their health, staying in the moment. The triggers, which return, are soon balanced with exercise behaviors and positive thoughts of exercising. Each client has the ability to exercise, feel strong, alive and enjoy a healthy meal while staying in their health. Clients begin to like themselves and begin to love themselves.


Be mad then be glad

Be mad then be glad. Let your feeling's of anger come out. Talk about them, write about them, let them out of your head. If you hold on to anger it usually means danger for self. When you keep anger inside, it usually comes out on the one's you love. We all have been there. Why not examine why you are really angry in the first place? If you can figure out where the anger is coming from, you can begin to let the negative thoughts go. Once the thoughts of anger are let go, you begin to feel better. It's ok to be mad, but work those thoughts out and you can be glad. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

5 key things to a healthy relationship

We all struggle in relationships. The trick is to struggle in a healthy way. Number one, communication is pivotal to understanding each other. You do not have to agree with each other, but you have to respect each other's view points. Communication will allow you to become a better listener. Number two, laugh, and enjoy laughing with each other and about each other. One of the reason's you were able to connect with each other is the fact you both laughed together. It is fun to laugh. Number three, sex, it is healthy, fun, and intimate all wrapped up into one. Enjoy each other, love each other. Number 4, be romantic in your own way. The little things can be a bond that will last forever. Sometimes these little things are your own creative way of telling your other how much they mean to you. Be creative, impulsive, and romantic all at the same time. A kiss out of know where can be a ever lasting boost. Number 5, have fun with your relationship. Fun is anything what you make it. Fun can be free. Fun is your ability to keep things real with your relationship. You will never have all 5 things needed for a healthy relationship working 100% of the time. However, if you can balance each thing in your relationship, the more you practice the better you will play! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

It's not what you look like, it's how you feel about what you look like

We constantly are trying to measure up to other's or our perception of what other's look like. Sometimes we create negative energy when we get fixated on how we need to change our appearance. These negative energy image thoughts become bigger if we do not let the thought go. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more fit, or trying different styles that work with you. The problem is when we identify attractiveness or beauty with other people's features. We forget that our features may be different, but different is ok, and can be beautiful and attractive. Self begins to obsess with what other people may look like, or dress like, or act like. The only self that matters, is the one your looking at in the mirror. Embracing our own beauty, and features. It can be difficult to do, if we already in our mind think we need to be someone different. God gave us a one body, but God allowed us to control our own thoughts. Accepting what we look like is a positive thought. Take that thought with you every day and challenge your self to be you and only you. Attractiveness is not only the external but the internal. Positive attitude re-directed at self can be a nice tool in opening your inner and outer beauty. When self is comfortable with it's own reflections, those images brighten every one's day around you! The next time you see someone that is beautiful, enjoy the moment. It takes someone beautiful to recognize anothers beauty! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Don't stuff, talk about it!

You ever get that thought that says you can handle anything, and know matter what is going on in your head, you can take care of if by your self? You may play it back a 100 times, thinking, or I like to say, convincing your self that you are under control. We put these massive boundaries around us, and continue to "stuff" our thoughts away, never letting them go. Sometimes we become different people when we hold everything in, and our lives become unmanageable for a brief period of time. Every time, yes, every time we go through this cycle, the same thing happens. Once we talk about it, we feel better. However, we are so prideful, we do not learn our lesson. We repeat the ability to, "stuff", over and over. When we know, that if we talk about it, our thoughts are in a better place. The problem is never as bad as it seems. We may actually smile, or laugh a bit, after thinking how much wasted energy we put into this problem. The problem is we need to talk about our problems. The next time you begin to, "stuff" allow your thoughts to be heard. Put the energy into talking about your thoughts instead of worrying about them. Stay in your health, stay in the moment!

Monday, March 5, 2012

Give Back

Do you want to know how to feel incredible, fantastic, and validated? No, you are not going on a all expense paid vacation. This is something more rewarding. Trust me. What I would like you to do is continue reading. The next time you have a hour or two to donate to self time, I would like you to volunteer your time to a non-profit, charity, church function, school function, nursing home, special olympics, local community center, or hospital/clinic setting. Use that hour or so, to help another person, or family. Listen to what they are saying, not what you think they are saying. Look at their face, feel their words. This experience can be life changing for self. Open your hearts and ears. Be part of something that is greater than you or I. Challenge your self to see where you may fit it in other's despair. Give that hope, respect, and courage that so many need right now. You will feel empowered after giving back a little of you to someone else. This time may be just that, time only. Make a difference and give back you will feel blessed! Stay in your health, stay in the moment!

Friday, March 2, 2012


Everything happens for a reason, right? Yes, it does. Faith. Now believe it. You hit rock bottom, and it's time to believe in something. Start with self. Did you know your faith is already there? Regardless if you're at the bottom, heading to the bottom, in the middle, or up front, faith has you covered. There is not a waiting line to achieve faith. You do not schedule faith. Faith is reason. You have the power to embrace faith, with your thoughts. You may think faith may not leave the light on, but the light is never off. Faith may not tell you what direction to go, faith will only follow you. When you fall down, faith picks you up. Faith is not only a thought, it is self's way of healing, accepting, loving, crying, and believing. Faith has the power to permeate inside one's core. Faith does not judge my friends, it empowers! When one is fighting for his or her life, or praying for other's life, faith is the answer. We may not like the answer, but we have the power to understand how faith will get us through. Challenge your thoughts, faith is in them. Everything does happen for a reason. There is a reason you are taking the time to read this! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.