Family Dynamics

Over the years I have found, like many helpers, that most people who suffer from addiction surround others with the affects and turmoil. When you are in a family where addiction is present, everyone needs help. Change in one person, will affect the whole family system. What happens is family member roles are re-defined. Each family member will have more to do and less to work on self. Marriage's sometimes become very strained when one partner is enabling the addict, or the other partner is trying to handle all the stress with the addicts behavior. Children of the addict or sibling's of the addict appear to change their role in the family system. When families contain more then one addict, usually there are layers of addiction in families. Often I find when clients are working their program, and remaining clean, that there biggest trigger or urge will come from their current family system. Family dynamics can be present in the addiction cycle and the recovery cycle. Members of the family who are not addicts will need support. One of the things that I see monthly with clients who are in recovery, and are staying in their health is the expectations of the client and family member are unrealistic. For example, addiction is not a primary need, it is secondary. Addiction is the substitute satisfaction of a unmet need. Meaning, the addicts flaws with the interpersonal relationships within the family are not going to go away instantly when the addict is in recovery, and staying in their health. The same goes for the dysfunctional family member who is not a addict, their behavior will not change if the addict is clean. Everything is a process in recovery. Family dynamics are important for the addict and the family to understand and identify. Behavior is the key here. Addicts and family members must learn how to balance their thoughts and control their behavior in a healthy way. The reality is some families will not be healthy all the time, and it is up to the addict, to be able to set healthy boundaries and understand that unrealistic expectations can be a gateway to relapse. As the family and it's core members will need to ascertain that the addict will not change overnight when he or she is clean, but may continue to struggle with their own mental health. Trying to fit back into the family will be a struggle but it does not need to be a unhealthy struggle if everyone is able to clearly define their roles in a positive approach. I tell all of my families of addicts and the addicts themselves, that time is on your side. Slow down, control your thoughts, work on self, balance your behaviors, use your higher power for guidance, and allow self to have fun in new and creative ways that validate you and your reconnection with your family! Stay in your health, stay in the moment.