Building healthy friendships

What is a healthy friend? In the past, your answer might have gone something like this. Someone I can drink with at the bar, self-medicate with at your house, go to the casino,  binge eat and then purge, and find some stranger to have unhealthy sex with. This is not a friend. Many of the clients and patients that have been referred to us have a difficult time understanding who a friend is and how to build a healthy interpersonal relationship with a friend. In order to build healthy relationships we need to be clean, and in our health. As you look back at your past friend relationships, surmise how healthy were they? When your mind is clean, and calm you will be able to present a accurate description to yourself of who really were your friends. The next step is setting appropriate boundaries with the people who are not your friends. This can be a deal breaker if the addict is not honest, firm, and willing! Relapse can be around the corner. Remember, old friends who were part of your addiction cycle will not help you stay clean, or keep you balanced. The boundaries you set need to be one's that you can validate yourself with and move on. Let go of the past. In order to meet new people and begin to build new friendships, a new environment is needed. The old environment where the addiction cycle spinned round and round was not a positive location for you to be in. We meet new friends by trying new things in our life. For example, get involved in church groups, fitness clubs, athletic teams, book clubs, or volunteer events. The more active you are, more opportunities will arise. As you begin this process you will understand you are working on yourself at the same time. Positive thoughts, will create positive behavior, which leads to meeting and having the chance to build friendships in a healthy way. Don't get frustrated if some friendships are not what you hoped for. You still are in control and have the ability to pick and choose what works for you. You know being clean and in recovery does not guarantee you that every friend relationship will be perfect. You may even struggle at times with trying to understand that it takes time to build healthy friendships, that is ok! Healthy struggle can only make self stronger. Have fun making new friendships. This is not a race, but a journey. When you find the right friends, it is worth the time. One thought at a time. Stay in your health, stay in the moment.