Beginning to Bloom: Condo Creations!

Beginning to Bloom: Condo Creations!

“This is not how your story ends. It’s simply where it takes a turn you didn’t expect” –Cheryl Strayed

The above quote is a comically calming way to think about those moments in life we never saw coming. As the “happily-ever-after-story” I had envisioned came to a sudden end, I had no choice but to start a new story. When I began to rewrite my life, I had convinced myself that it was just a new chapter, not necessarily a whole new story. Spoiler alert! When all four parts of your “core four” comfort zone are gone in the blink of an eye, you need a new story. As we journey through each of these aspects of my life, you will see how the steps I took made me realize there would never be enough chapters to get my “happily-ever-after” back with my ex. With that realization, my healing began.

       When I think back to last summer, so much happened in such a short amount of time. The hardest thing for me was the fact that there was literally nothing I could do. I had no choice but to buckle up and ride this one out. After the shock of the reality of my life subsided, anger emerged. Why did this happen to me? How could he do this to me? Why is God letting this happen? Why wasn’t I enough of a reason to stop doing drugs? The thoughts were endless. But, with these thoughts and anger came a side of me I didn’t know I had.

       It was the Fourth of July, and I had dropped my ex and his family off at the airport so he could get the help he needed. The drive back to our (now MY) condo was surreal. It was freeing knowing that I was no longer responsible for his physical well-being, but it was also devastating to see my best friend be in so much pain, physically and mentally. My day-to-day life was an emotional roller coaster, and with anxiety, it was mentally exhausting to be awake and thinking. With the help of my amazing mom (aka Momma Mel) I was able to take all of the negativity I was feeling and focus it on making our condo into MY condo. We started small- taking down the pictures of us and anything that reminded me of him (after being with someone for seven years, there’s A LOT of reminders!)

       The teacher in me needed a plan. I wrote down everything I wanted to fix or change in my condo. Momma Mel and I started at the top of that list and began crossing one or two things off each day. There were several items on the list that I would typically expect the man of the house to do- put in ceiling fans, new window blinds, sink faucets, oh, and a whole new bathroom sink! These “manly challenges” brought out a part of the “real Abby” that I never knew existed. With the moral support (and humor) of Momma Mel, a few phone calls to my dad, and youtube, I DID ALL OF THOSE THINGS! I know, it’s still hard to believe myself considering my lack of common sense sometimes. Case in point: I spent 35 minutes under the sink trying to loosen a bolt only to find out that I had been tightening the bolt. Oops! As I completed each of these tasks, I felt a sense of independence and pride that I had never felt before. I like to compare these “manly” projects to an airplane runway. Once, I started, I couldn’t stop and the condo projects took off!

       The next big task was painting. It is quite comical to try and pick out colors with anxiety and ADD. Flashback: me, standing in an aisle FILLED with colors…Anxiety says, “I didn’t even know there were this many colors”, “that worker probably thinks I am crazy because I have been in this aisle far too long”, “I wonder if that guy remembers that I was already here twice today”… Then enters my ADD saying, “oooh pretty color!”, “I should remember to get the mail”, “That’s a cool paintbrush, how in the heck does it work?” “I wonder how many colors there actually are in this aisle”, “Did I take my meds this morning?” Then add Momma Mel to the mix…I’m thinking all of these thoughts, she’s talking non-stop, and the poor paint guy can barely keep up with us!

       Once the paint was finally decided upon, I was ready to get started. With the exception of 2 walls in the spare bedroom (aka Momma Mel’s room) I painted my entire place: 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, living room, and all of the ceilings! By the time the painting was done, it was nearing the end of summer. I knew that soon enough reality would set back in, and Momma Mel would have to return home leaving me by myself. We did what we do best: shop and DIY (Do It Yourself) our hearts out! Little by little, my condo became MY HOME. I have incorporated positive vibes throughout my entire home. There is not a room in my place that doesn’t have some type of positive affirmation. If you surround yourself with positivity, you can’t help but be positive. Obviously, there are still times that I get sad or mad. However, having this place that I created, putting my whole heart, soul, and sweat into, is liberating. I love my home. It is a reflection of my past and the desires of my future. It was the first chapter in my new life story.

Next week, read about the next chapter in my story of healing, entitled, Beginning to Bloom: From Codependent to INDEPENDENT